For those with children, those thinking about it, or those who now have an excuse not to.

Things I’ve learned from my children (honest and no kidding):

(1) There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.

(2) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

(3) A 4 year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

(4) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.

(5) It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

(6) Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

(7) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

(8) When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

(9) A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

(10) The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

(11) When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, it’s already too late.

(12) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

(13) A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

(14) A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

(15) If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak — it explodes.

(16) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.

(17) Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.

(18) Duplos will not.

(19) Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

(20) Super glue is forever.

PositiveParenting.com